How to control your feelings and hear "Yes" all the time?

This article includes information from Tedx Talks. Here I will write all rules that I have extracted from this research. Likewise, I will find examples from my life to show a real-life situation to better understand the thoughts. So, make a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy!

What is the master key to influence?

The answer is pretty simple, the master key to influence is your perception of the things around you. First of all, you want to do something because you like it. People do things for one reason only, and this is because they enjoy it. If you can figure out how to create an environment that causes other people to feel like doing business with you, you don't have to try so hard to get them to do business with you because you both relish it.

So, how this perception works? When people see or hear the facts, they automatically create a frame around them. The fact can be everything - bad news, shopping, writing a letter to your friend, etc. It doesn't matter. The main thing is that frame creates focus. Try to remember your last visit to a museum and the pictures there. All drawing are in the frames. It attracts our attention and we are focused only on the things that are inside this frame. So, this method also works with real-life situations.

Definitely, the fact has a positive and negative side. Everything has pros and cons. Have you ever seen one side of the paper, one side of a coin, or one side of bread? I am sure that you haven't. If you have something super negative in your life, therefore at the same time you have a super positive side. We frequently forget about this rule. Keep it in mind!

So, our next step is to put the frame with the picture in our brains. And then we create belief. It could be either faith or doubt. Faith is an outcome I desire and doubt is an outcome I don't desire. But either way, they both are beliefs.

Now we have a belief and it travels to our hearts. And when our hearts are filled, it manufactures feelings. And here is the most interesting part for me! This feeling could produce anticipation, or it could produce anxiety.

Anticipation is the most powerful thing that people have. Remember your Christmas when you were a child and what feelings and expectations you had, waiting for your present. You couldn't sleep because you were filled with energy and happiness. It was irreplaceable emotions!

And anxiety is the opposite of anticipation. Anxiety is wasting present energy on a future outcome. Sometimes we think that it is a fear, but it is not. Fear is caution over a real and present danger. For instance, if you come across the road and the car unexpectedly drives toward you, it is fear. But anxiety could be the feeling before an important call with your boss, or before a competition. I think you see the difference. So when you worry about something, anxiety robs you of energy to take the actions that could keep bad things from happening.

Eventually, the feelings in our hearts manufacture physical reactions. If you have done this process significantly, you will receive power in your hands and confidence in your words. But if you have done something with anxiety, you will receive wasting of your energy and no results. Because of the anxiety, you will force other people to say "NO" to you! So, try to replace anxiety with anticipation.

Let's create bridges!

You may ask me: "Dan, are you crazy, what bridges?", now I will elaborate on it. I want to build connections between all words that I said before. Then, I think, you will fully understand the perception process.

• Positive side: You have heard the fact and liked it (It is desirable to you) → The fact has a positive side and you create a frame → Frame creates focus and you manufacture a belief (faith) → This belief travels to your heart and produces feeling → It turns into anticipation → You have confidence and energy, therefore no one can say "No" to you.

• Negative side: You have heard the fact and unliked it (It is undesirable to you)→ The fact has a negative side and you create a frame → Frame creates focus and you manufacture a belief (doubt) → This belief travels to your heart and produces feeling → It turns into anxiety → You have uncertainty and wasting your energy, therefore people will reject your suggestions.

How have I forgotten about anxiety?

I would like to share with you the situation when I replaced anxiety with anticipation. One month ago I had the first online interview in my life. I knew the topics, I knew the questions, but for some reason, I felt nervous. By the way, it was in English! During the interview, I had 120 BPM, but then I realized that there was nothing to be afraid of. Vice versa, it was an incredible opportunity to talk with new people, express my thoughts, and develop social skills. I understood this fact only when I experienced it.

I think that the first perception of something new is always not good, you feel like you are out of your element. But with this research that I provided you, you can try to change this "habit" right now!

So before the second interview, I was much more confident, I have already understood that I have a chance to talk about myself and it could influence my future. I pulled myself together (80 BPM) and did it! I was absolutely relaxed and open. You can't imagine what feelings you have when you reach your goal with confidence and calmness! It is like a Christmas gift! Right after that, I had amazing emotions and much more energy to start achieving my next goal. And the main thing is that I am happy and reinvigorated! I had the feeling of anticipation.

It would be interesting to hear a similar story from You, dear reader. So, if you still don't know how to apply this method to your life, solve this problem by writing your situation in the comments! Do it right now! Because only such, you can start changing something, you will push yourself out of your comfort zone and try to search pluses everywhere, even in doubts! So, are you ready for changes?!

"When people too much worry, they will never feel that they really want to feel" -- Will Smith.